bored and thinking way to much...

The man sat, stooped on his porch swing, staring out at the vast nothing in front of him. Before what had been a fertile, productive, loving farm was now waste. How had it become this, he asked himself, and among his creeping thoughts, one prevailed: she had died and the farm had died with her. He shifted his eyes from the collapsing barn, past the barren field to the faded farm house behind him.
That is all for now...

Freshman move in...

So I am now at Edinboro... finally. I haven't blogged in a while due to the fact that I was in training all week and it is move in this weekend. Freshman move in was yesterday and upperclassmen are today. First let me4 tell you about the day I had yesterday, theirfor you will know the trying experiences I went through and how it effected me, especilly mentally.
I woke up at 7 am to begin checking people in at 8. I moved my car, just like all the other employees to a grassey area, so that parents could park cars in and unload from the lot. I was extreemly excited and energetic in the morning, since I love meeting the new people and being involved in the chaos of it all.
A little fact about me is that I am always thinking, thinking about everything, I am also exceedingly aware of myself and what I am doing. Now I know that this sounds like gloating or bragging but I assure you that I have no such intent in writing this. My truest wish is just to express my thoughts and feelings no matter how skattered.
Now back to the day, I moved my car and proceeded to the front desk to start setting up.
The front desk in my dormatory is like the RA home base, a fort for the leaders and role models of the castle. All paperwork, schedules, logs and keys are kept behind the desk. Our desk is staffed all day move in weekend to assure that all goes easily and as planned. Also to keep the flow of people moving we set up a tent outside to dorm to check in incoming students, they then proceed inside to claim a cart and move in. I, being a social butterfly, decided to sit in the outside tent and check people in. Like I said before, we had families waiting at 8 am and before, so we begin promptly at 8 and the chaos ensues from then on. I was happy, freindly, energetic and polite for about the first three hours, when we were slammed with incomming students and families.
As I am sure you well know that the mental stress of being happy all day and really drain you, sometimes even more so than physical labor. As it was I became fatigued by around 11 and by 2 I was exausted. I traveled to my room to take a shower and drank about a gallon of water and by the time I was finished it was time for my freshman floor mtg., the purpose of which was to basicly tell them how to survive the next day and a half, until classes started. The scholar on my floor Casey, and also one of my best friends, assisted me with the floor mtg and filled in the words I did not have the mental strength to think of in my state. After the floor mtg. we took the residents to the move in picnic and fed them, after which my 2 best friends, one also named Abby and Brandon came over to see my room and keep me company as I manned the desk from 6 pm till 1 am. We played Magic (a card game), chatted and ate Ramen noodles. I lost most of the games of Magic due to my depleated state and it wasn't until I ate a slice of pizza, my first real food all day, that I woke back up out of my trance.
Most people do not enjoy being busy or feeling stressed to the point when you just run on auto pilot, but i do. It is the one time when I am not thinking about anything and I can enjoy peace and quiet.
Another point of interest is my staff members. I am getting used to working with new people and learning how they opperate. I could write forever about all the observations I make of them but I won't bore you.
got to go, pizza time!

!!!!!

4 days! I go back to Edinboro in 4 days! I probably won't get a chance to blog until then but just know that I am soooo excited!!!

On the note of music, I have found a genre, or several, that I quite enjoy. Some authors I have been listening to include Ludovico Einaudi a pianist, and the violist David Garrett!

Almost there...

10 days. Thats how long I have left to be at home. Just 10 days before I move back to Edinboro for the last time. The last year, who knows what it will bring, is starting to scare me. With its unknowns and indefinites I am worried it will leave me broken and uncertain of what to do next. Will I be to worn out next May to actually move out in my own? Will I just want to live at home or stay in Edinboro for a while? I think the thing I have been thinking about the most is how much I will miss my friends and all the support that they provide to my fragile confidence. What will I do in Colorado all by my self? But of course I will have Kia with me to keep me company! She will keep me moving :) Friends to support me during the school year, Kia to be with me when I move and, of course, God watching over me the whole time. I won't have to do this alone. 10 days.

Reflections

I am feeling quite full of thoughts today. I am feeling optimistic, powerful, elegant and mysterious. It might be because I ran extra hard this morning, pushing myself to run farther and longer than before, or it could be just my impending return to school. I find myself thinking more and more often about what the first day in my new room will be like. The lovely solitude and silence of the dorm before students arrive, broken only by the crooning of my radio spilling out some classical ramble of my specific choosing. The empty space filling up with my belongings as I place things about and assign them a spot to remain during the semester. Creating a home out of the square box that smells of the cold loneliness it has suffered all summer, all odor of the last inhabitant gone forever. The feeling of satisfaction and content when all is put away and settled, as you sit on your freshly made bed and glance around, content and peaceful for the first few moments of your last year at college.

My last year at college.

After this year my time at Edinboro will only be a sentence: I went to Edinboro University. My entire college experience will be summed up in that one short powerful sentence.

The girl in brown and tan, a server at the shop, sprays the tables with cleaner from a dingy yellow bottle as the sun light shines through the tall windows illuminating the mist as it streams towards it's desired destination. Again and again she pelts the table top with the golden fog, as if beating and punishing it for becoming so dirty and causing her to need to shine it. She then apologizes to the table by wiping it slowly with a white bleached towel, frayed on one edge, proof of its overuse. The large arching movements of her arm, as she stretches to reach across the vast expanse of the top, are slow, methodical and practiced. The table does not stand a chance against such skill and tenacity, vengeance flowing from every swipe, she finishes and straightens, places the trigger of her weapon through her belt loop and places her hands on her defined hips in one swift, skilled movement. Another job well done, the conqueror turns on one foot, leaving the vanquished behind her, preparing to take on another unworthy foe.

Pardon me, I got distracted, simple yet beautiful things, such as sunlight and mist, seem to snatch my attention and form sentences in my head at the least opportune time. Must go now, work. Will continue later.

funerals...

running. it is something my entire family does, except for me. I decided this week that I would start, so I did. I like it. What, you might ask, would spur this risky adventure? Well, dear reader, I will tell you, but be warned, it is not happy...

I have been to many funerals in my lifetime. Most being family, or friends so close that they could be family. I really don't like the concept of a funeral, celebrating someone's life after they are dead, I never have. Most don't realize how amazingly precious a life is until it is gone. Especially when someone young dies, people always say "He/she was such a hard worker, a very good kid, so full of spirit and drive." This is what was said after a lifelong friend Chad died this week. He was 21 years old and owned his own farrier business (shoeing horses). He was wildly successful and exceedingly talented. He went to church, had a lovely girlfriend, a proud father and adoring customers. He was indeed, a very special kid. But as I think about the fact that he died, I wonder if anyone bothered to tell him while he was alive, how inspiring he was? Did I? Did his family or friends?

Think about this for a moment... If you die tomorrow, will you have felt like you were wanted, needed, loved? When was the last time someone told you how much they appreciate you, need you, love you? Start the cycle: say something nice to someone who is close to you, and maybe we will all live a little longer.