Going home.

I am traveling home this weekend. All the way to Latrobe. Four hours away. Hooray. I will not bore you with details but it involves my parents feelign the need to travel, which is ok with me. I leave Edinboro tomorrow at noon, after my metals class and I am not looking forward to the drive. My legs hurt this week from all the rain and they will be sore the whole way home I am sure. I was sad today because I wanted a to be close to someone but I am still alone. I have Casey and other friends, whom I owe a lot, but it isn't the same. I need to stop being so dependent on others for my happyness, but it is hard, being like me and not being close to people. I thrive on physical touch, and not even in a sexual context, just a hug, a shoulder to lay on, a friends hand to hold; I am addicted to physical touch, but this is not appropriate in society. This is why I learned to give massages, I crave the connection it forms, the direct link to someone elses exsistance. I also just like to take care of people, cooking, cleaning, looking after, that is what I do best. Casey says I will make an excellent house wife someday, and I believe him. That is where I believe I will be truley content, with a home, family and children, lots of children. Everything about me is defined by my innate mothering instinct. For me to be happy I need to be making others happy.