Pondering...

It is 3:05 am on Saturday. Why am I still awake you might ask? Well because I work as a resident assistant in one of the halls on campus. The front desk is staffed between 9 pm and one am by an RA and between one am and 6 am by a night assistant. The night assistant did not show up for their shift so now the RA's have to split up their time and watch the desk till 6 am. I have the 3-4 am shift. Needless to say I am not happy about this.

On a happier note, my parents and younger siblings came to visit me today. My house is 3 hours away from my school so I don't go home very often. They decided to come and see me and then go to an indoor water park nearby. It was nice to see them and it was a good use of what would have been a very boring Saturday. I think that they also enjoyed the trip. My younger siblings are always happy to see either me or my older sister because we give them the unending attention they crave. I love them so much and sometimes I regret that I will not be there while they are growing up. My youngest sister was 6 when I started college; still a baby. I will miss all of her teenage years. My older sister and I are 18 months apart. We grew up as best friends and experienced everything together. Who will be there for her to experience her teenage years with? Who will hold her hand on the way into the first day of Junior High and walk her to all her classes. To her I am going to just be that older sister that she never sees. I could very well be married and have children by then time she is in high school. She will tell her friends about her older sisters that are doing this or that. The poor dear. My brother as well will go through this, but I think not as harshly. He will be the one to say to his buddies on the football team "Ya I have two older sisters in college" just to impress them. He is taller than I am now, by almost 2 inches, and he is only 13. He is going to be a big boy and I have a feeling that he is going to break many girls' hearts throughout his high school career. Will I be there when Grace experiences her first kiss, her first car, her first love? Will I be there when Garret dances with his first girlfriend, when he gets accepted into college or joins the Marines, when he gets engaged. My family means so much to me, my siblings are my best friends. As we grow older how much am I going to miss out on? Where will I be? Will they remember to call and let Abby know the exciting news? Or will I just fade out of their lives like a toy that the novelty has worn off of.

I pray that we stay connected. When I have children some day I hope to give them middle names to match my best friends: Amanda, Garret and Grace.